A part of something.

I'm sure that most everyone in the world feels left out at times, and those of you who have, know that it's one of the worst feelings in the world.
With that said, with the majority of society it's simply a temporary problem; isolated incidents. However, in another group, we have the people who constantly and consistently feel left out of everything. Some would term them as loners. Others would term them as rejects. And perhaps, just perhaps, in several instances both terms are applicable.
It doesn't make it any easier.
And no, this isn't a sob story cry-fest concerning Valentine's Day. It's 1:16 AM the day after. Forget it. It's a stupid over-commercialized holiday. And that's not a bitter diatribe... it just is what it is.
On occasion, I think I've found someone who actually is sensitive enough to comprehend where I am coming from. Someone who knows where I've been, knows where I am, and knows that I have no damn idea where I'm headed. And for a while, I won't feel so alone anymore. But, as with everything else that's good in my life, it simply fades to oblivion.
Which brings me to an interesting point in my past, and part of what has created my current persona in the present, and will probably continue to affect me (even it is just on a subconscious level) in the future. My fascination with the television show "Sailor Moon."
Most people just see the animated teenage girls in the way-too-short mini-skirts, cheesy seventies-esque background music, and the over-dramatized "fight scenes."
But I saw something completely different.
I saw five human beings. All completely different. One quiet and nerdy. One hyperactive and bubbly. One physically strong yet extremely domesticated. One with a fiery temper but fiercely loyal and protective. And one who saw good in everyone, except in herself.
And I saw these five individuals understand the differences that made them stronger as a team.
And I saw them be there for each other. Fight for each other. Love each other.
And I was jealous, yet drawn.
I wanted to be a part of a team like that. To feel like I belong to something.
And so, that leaves me... kind of lost.
There was this song in middle school, one that I (to this day) have sworn I would never like. Especially from this particular group. But I remember crying myself to sleep with this song on repeat, because it echoed so well how I felt then, and continue to feel to this day.

weird - hanson
"Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin.
So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird."
I remember crying to that song in the shower, whilst washing the blood off of me after I was beaten moderately because I was different.
I remember weeping to that song the night two of my friends disowned me for being different.
I remember screaming along with that song the many nights I felt isolated by those closest to me, for being different.
If you've never read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," do so. You'll understand exactly what I am talking about.
I'm 26 now.
I was 13 then, at the start.
Half of my life.
You'd have thought something would have changed.
And that's all I have to say for now.