Random guilt

The weather has been beautiful so I took advantage of it today to do a little digging in the dirt.  I pulled up some weeds in the flower beds in front of my porch and planted some flower seeds.  I have no idea if they’ll grow or not.  I haven’t had a lot of luck with planting flowers from seeds in the past but I planted the seeds in such density that maybe some will manage to come up.

I’ve had that very unpleasant pins and needles feeling for a couple of days.  My dog BooBoo has gone with a handler to some shows in Maryland for the weekend.  I really miss him.  The house is too quiet without him.  The other dogs hardly pay any attention to me at all.  When BooBoo’s here he is either with me all the time or coming to check on me every ten minutes.  I’m having terrible separation anxiety with him gone.

Amy, his handler, posts messages on her Facebook page once in a while about the trip (they haven’t shown yet).  She said she spent three hours trimming him last night.  Oh, boy.  That’s expensive!  But I’m sure he needed it.  The dog grows hair like you wouldn’t believe.  I can groom him for hours and never get to the end of it.

I hope he does well but I’m more worried about other things -- is he eating; is he keeping people awake barking at night; is he getting along with the other dogs?  Mom stuff.  Can’t wait to see him again.

In other matters I’ve been having an ethics debate with myself.  I’ve stayed on friendly terms with my ex-fiance since he came back from Iraq.  There’s no intention of getting back together.  We went to Mexico together in December because the trip was already planned and I thought it might give us another chance but there was just nothing there anymore.  Since we got back we have had lunch or dinner a few times.  We go see a movie once in a while.  We talk on the phone once a week.  That’s about it.

My ex called a few days ago and we talked about his work (not going well) and some other things.  Then, out of nowhere, he asked me if I would like to get together for a little rendezvous.  Hmmm.  I said, “Aren’t you kind of dating someone?”  And he said, “Yes.”  I asked him a couple of times why he did stuff like this -- cheated on people -- but he just said he didn’t know.  Well, he said that he’d been missing me, but he cheats on everybody.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.  We decided he should pick me up and we’d get something to eat or drink and go from there.

We ended up fooling around some without actually sleeping together...but I haven’t ruled it out for the future if this comes up again.

Now, shouldn’t I be feeling guilty about something?  Although I’m not sure why.  The person he’s dating is the person who broke up our relationship.  He was cheating with her while he was engaged to me.  Maybe this is payback?  Nah.  I just don’t care that much.  I really have put it all behind me.  I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t fun.

Maybe that’s why I should feel guilty.  I am fooling around with my ex just because it’s fun?  I don’t really want to get back together.  I’m just not seeing anybody else and he’s handy.  That’s awful, isn’t it?

Of course, he really should feel guilty.  He’s the one who is dating somebody and cheating on them.

I guess I could obsess about this and get myself all worried and upset.  Or I can just forget about it and see what happens.  I don’t really think it’s very important.  There’s just some random guilt floating around inside of me or I probably wouldn’t be thinking much about it at all.

Long story short, I really need to meet some new people but that’s easier said than done.